Anaconda, Scout Farrow, and Amelia Earhart and the Island of Death

ANACONDA

So I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into with this one, but it's worth pointing out several things.

The first is that I don't think I've seen Anaconda. A bunch of movies came out around the same time that featured big scary animals in the jungle/swamp/ocean in the late 90s, and they all sucked. At least, that was my feeling about it. I had no interest in big scary animal movies. I've got my Jaws and King Kong, that's about all I need.

The next thing is that I've got friggin BEEF with JB.

SIT RIGHT DOWN, AND I'LL TELL YOU THE LEGEND OF JOE AND JABLES

Ole Jack and I go way back, though I don't think he knows that. I was a fan of his since Bob Roberts.

That was the first time I saw him, and he made an impression. For a long time, during his appearances on Mr. Show and The X-Files, and then in movies like Mars Attacks and Waterworld, he was "that creepy guy in the trench coat from Bob Roberts" to me. Then I saw him sing in a Mr. Sketch sketch, parodying Jesus Christ Superstar, called Jeepers Creepers Semi-Star and I was like WHO IS THIS GENIUS!?

Then came Tenacious D, and everything changed.

I was an early fan of Jables and The Rage Cage, and had been a fan for somewhere near twenty years. Then, in the wake of the near assassination of Donald Trump, Kyle Gass, Jack's Tenacious D partner, made a joke on stage about the attempt, and Jack did the unthinkable. He very publicly and shitty-ly threw Kyle under the bus, and essentially ruined Kyle's career. That's something I'm having trouble looking past.

So when he shows up in things, I find myself laughing with a caveat that I'm still grumbling and side-eying him.

The third thing I want to point out is that, while watching this movie, I realized I have no real use for Paul Rudd in my life, except in a very specific, limited capacity. He can play Ant-Man in the Marvel movies, and he can play smarmy side characters in other people's movies, but I don't want to watch a whole movie of Paul Rudd. I just don't think he's got that much to offer. I hope he doesn't read that, because I'm sure he's a perfectly decent, nice guy. But yeah, I'm good.

I do enjoy his appearances with Conan O'Brien and the Mac and Me clips.

FOURTH, I don't know what Thandiwe Newton did to end up here, but I hope she's okay. And I hope she finds a new wig person, because yeesh.

Okay, point number FIVE.

It was funny, okay? It wasn't good. Oh no, it was outright bad. The story was nonsensical, the acting was across-the-board phoned in, and the movie was DESPERATE to shove Baby Got Back into the soundtrack at any chance it got. But I did laugh, often. That's something. Mostly at Jack Black, but also at Rui Ricardo Diaz, who played the snake handler in the movie.

Would I recommend this movie to people? Sure, if you are really hard up for something funny that will not in any way, shape, or form challenge anything but your tolerance for tomfoolery.

SCOUT FARROW WEBSITE

I'm starting to get ready to work in earnest on my story, Scout's Arrival. In that process, I'm setting up some fun marketing things and places where people can find information about what I'm planning, as well as updates.

Scout Farrow

The Official Homepage of Scout Farrow

Scout FarrowAmazonAmazon

I also made these fake magazine covers and album covers. It's pretty fortuitous that I found a stock image model that looks very much like how I picture the character, so I've got a cache of stock images I can use, and that's fun. I don't even know her name, just the photographer whose account she's featured on that I subscribe to.

Expect more updates about that story soon.

AMELIA EARHART AND THE ISLAND OF DEATH

I'm also starting to plan this Amelia Earhart story (as much as I plan anything when I'm writing). It's going to be part Indiana Jones, part Lost, part Rod Serling Twilight Zone-esque goodness. I'm really looking forward to this one.

Alright, that's all I've got for now. I'm planning to see Marty Supreme soon, against my better judgment, and I'll report back with my findings.